The Common Mistake I Made Before Turning 30 That Kept Me From Building the Life I Wanted

You can have the life you want, but you must reflect on what that means for you

Photo by Karolina Grabowska

Mistakes are inevitable, but denying them and wasting your life is not.

But that’s what you do when you never self-reflect. Imagine this: You see someone who doesn’t wash their hands after going to the bathroom. They might not be dumb, but they’re not thinking about what they’re doing.

Don’t be like them.

Stop increasing your chances of having a shitty life. Take a moment to think about your actions. Analyse if they brought you the desired outcome. It’s required if you want to build your life. Don’t and face the stagnation of the autopilot life.

Wake up with heavy eyelids, dreaming about going back to sleep. Wait until Friday to waste the only time you could use to build your life. Get anxious because of those insignificant minor things, like who won the game yesterday or the weather tomorrow.

Toss responsibility for how you feel on others.

So you can never improve. Continue killing your drive toward your dreams by overthinking everything and wasting energy.

Or, get your life in your hands and get the desired results. Know yourself and your values, and set goals in alignment with them.

It’s time to turn off autopilot and discover the power of self-reflection. We’ll discover how self-awareness can transform your life and help you achieve your goals instead of someone else’s. Unlock your true potential and build a more fulfilling future. Let’s dive in!”

Why It’s So Hard to Think About Your Actions?

It’s painful to know you’re a loser.

It’s much easier to live in ignorance. But to have a chance of improving, you must see there is something to fix. You have to burn the part of yourself to improve. It’s worth it. You suffer for knowledge.

The further you go, the more obvious it becomes that you are not living your life.

You did everything like society wanted you to, never considering what you wanted. What drives you? What sick thoughts do you have in mind? Why do you want the things you want? Without questioning your values and beliefs, you didn’t live–you existed.

If no one around you questions drinking every weekend, you won’t, too.

You won’t look for the meaning of your life if you’re convinced there is none. Having no example does that for people. I love my parents, but I’d never describe them as ambitious. That’s fine. But I’m ambitious. How? I had to look for examples from the outside.

Admitting you’re not okay is hard, and many people try to convince you you’re.

But the truth is different: You’re not okay, and that’s okay. When you assume you must feel great always, you’ll punish yourself when you don’t. You’ll try to force your feelings to change for the better.

The biggest obstacle to self-reflection is resisting the fact you make mistakes.

Get to Know Yourself to Find The Treasures

You can’t get what you can’t see.

To aim, you need to know the target. And aimless existence is tiring. Sure, you can live a life being unaware of what’s going on. Unfortunately, that works for people who are stupid or have never tasted the other side. If you think about why you feel angry, it’s too late for you. You already saw the possibility of influencing your actions through conscious thinking.

For you, the only way is forward.

And forward is through yourself, through knowing what you want. There are treasures hidden behind your wall of ignorance. Treasures that people found during their journeys. None of these is a novel idea. But all I had to discover myself, so have you.

Let me present the most important ones, so you know the reward. Decide if your temporary suffering is justified.

The Freedom to Have the Only Thing Worth Having

You can’t have your life if you don’t know yourself.

And to say you’re free to live your life, you must reflect on what you did and why. Doing so will give you data about what you want. Based on the data, you can create your goals. Those goals will be aligned with your needs rather than others.

And the best thing about knowing yourself is seeing patterns.

Because when you see a pattern, you can change it. I had trouble learning. It bored me to death. I was one of those people who swore never to learn after finishing school. Well, I was wrong. I love learning. But I had to decide what was worth learning for me.

When I had to remember the dates and history of the USA, I couldn’t care less. The fallen country that still thinks everyone wants to live there. Things changed when I started programming. Solving problems steals my brain.

Through self-discovery, I became a lifelong learner on the way to build my unique version of life. And that’s not the only thing that awaits you.

Internal Tools to Use and Regulate Your Helpers

Emotions are dope if you can use them.

But they suck when you’re them. Unfortunately for you, you’re them if you lack self-awareness. That might work for living on autopilot, but you can’t call it your life.

Self-reflection gives you a superpower – noticing how you feel, when, and why.

You can use emotions to guide your actions. That’s how you live your life. You listen to them, and you decide what to do. You’ll quickly learn your emotions are unreliable, so there is no point in blindly trusting them. And how big a mistake it is to identify with them.

As a result, you can regulate stress because you know what causes it and how you can relax.

The Way to Enjoy Life

Solving problems is addictive.

You’ll enjoy life more when you solve the right problems at the right time. Knowing yourself will enable you to follow your path. On the way, you learn how to solve problems. The right problems for you because they’ll show up on the path you choose. It’s never easy, but at least it’s worth it.

Solving a puzzle you don’t care about is not worth your time, but solving your anger issues is something to consider.

And without knowing yourself, you could spend years solving some stupid puzzles instead of fulfilling your dreams. The only way I know to enjoy my life is to do what I want. That’s possible only when I know what that is.

There is no place on earth you can find out what you want other than your mind.

The 3 Best Ways to Reflect More on Life With Style

The activities below are classics.

People relied on them for millennia. Why? Because they work for most of us.

All three are crucial, but even one helps. Choose one and start now. Starting is more important than being perfect.

So here we go

1. Journaling

Set a timer for 5 minutes.

Ask yourself what you’re grateful for. What was the most important highlight of today? What was amazing? What was awful? How can you have more of what’s amazing and less of what’s awful?

Did you live the day how you’d wanted to?

Answer these questions, and you’re set.

2. Meditation

Meditation is boring.

But it works. Nothing works like meditation. Your attention span increases. And during meditation, you get to know your raw train of thought. So, sit down in any position, anywhere you want. Next, set a timer for 10 minutes. Do nothing. Think of whatever you want, and when you do think of something, note it. Repeat.

3. Feedback from people

We’re all delusional when it comes to how people see us.

Stop being deluded. Ask people how they see you. Use the knowledge to verify if that’s what you want to present. Let them talk. It’s the ultimate reality test.

It’s not to conform.

It’s to show you where you are. Self-reflection to the core.

Final Thoughts

You’re scared of thinking about your life because that forces you to face your demons. You tremble before them because you let them grow under your nose. That fear will never fix your problems.

But accepting their existence can help you try.

Stop dancing to their tune. Discover yourself. Play the music you love. Get what was always in your heart and what you were too afraid to chase.

Write down what happened to you on the way, how to repeat your results, or how to avoid failure.

Stop being a bot. Start being yourself.

To get what I want, I must know who I am. And after years of searching, I discovered the tool that helped — a personal journal.

Get My Free Journaling Course to discover who you are, what you want, and how to get it.