Catch Your Life

How I Try to Control Desires and Find Peace

Peace is what I feel when I do what I know I should, not some outside desire. Photo by Oleksandr P

Why do I want what I desire?

I’ve been asking myself this for years, and always a story comes to mind.

I was at a party with my best friends. I had everything I wanted: beer, vodka, whiskey, and designer drugs.  The fun was in full swing.

I felt like I could do anything and conquer the world. 

But it was a feeling that was impossible to realize.  Empty.  Disgusting.  Like sex with a family member. Wrong.

As the night drew to a close, the feeling began to fade.  The scary reality of the next day was approaching.  I had to get up for work to afford food (and drugs).

Then I thought, screw it all, I want to conquer the world again, even just for a moment. So, I drew a line with drugs, rolled up a banknote, and snorted it all at once.

My stuffy and swollen nose lessened the effect, so I had only a few more minutes of wanting.

And then, just darkness, monotony, and self-pity for not doing anything with my life.

After years, I realized that what I felt back then was a drug-boosted version of wanting for the sake of wanting.  It wasn’t about having something, but about wanting it.

We like to browse eBay for hours and not buy anything because it feels good to think we might But doing it is different.

What Is Wanting for the Sake of Wanting?

It’s a cycle of pain we fall into when overwhelmed by the world’s possibilities.

A hedonistic treadmill, always wanting more and more.  More parties, more work, more outings, more books.  More, more, more.

And in all this, we mindlessly follow someone with a different mission than us. Then we get a lot of things, but none fill the void left by losing touch with our inner voice. No skill learned to please others gives us a sense of purpose.

Because ultimately, our problem isn’t the lack of things.

The problem is that we strive for things that don’t matter to us.  We believed we must dream of a Lamborghini and a villa with a pool.  And worse, if we don’t strive for this, we’re losers.

But it’s all just another face of wanting for the sake of wanting.

It’s all a mirage, hiding the painful truth.  We’re paralyzed by the thought of what’s next. What do we want in life? So we settle for solving other people’s problems instead of our own.

We buy the latest phones, computers, and cars, becoming slaves to our debts.

By doing so, we distance ourselves from our inner voice. Because somewhere, in the back of our minds or in our dreams, a voice might tell us that this isn’t it.  But how could we listen when everyone talks about the same thing?  “You must get more,” “Work more,” “More,” “More,” “More.” Otherwise, you’re nobody.

What Are the Consequences?

You ask, what’s the point of knowing this?

And here are two options. 

Either you’re lucky and have never experienced it. If so, don’t read on. There’s nothing for you here.  Only problems.

The second option is that every day you face yourself and a mountain of potential that always seems to slip away. Then understanding this issue will explain why and what you can do to cope.

A lack of understanding combined with the awareness of the problem threatens you with an eternal sense of not being fulfilled. You might forever be stuck in a cycle of wanting more for the sake of wanting more.  How can you be happy if your true needs are drowned in a sea of silly ideas of happiness that you copied from Instagram influencers?

I don’t need followers. I need friends. I need warmth, to be heard, and to be understood.  And then, some solitude to piece together the discoveries of my life. To then give back to the people who helped build me up.

So, the next time you find yourself wanting for the sake of wanting like I did that memorable night with a white nose and a drink in hand, remember that there’s more waiting for you than just a few more days.

Living them unfulfilled without energy and blaming others isn’t the best option.

Trust me, I speak from experience.  That’s how my life was. On the outside, I could have everything.  But what’s the point if I always wanted something else?

What Causes the Problem?

I want to start with the most important thing – it’s not your fault.

Our world works like this.  We made it this way.  Some time ago, we forgot the most important thing existence has to offer – the potential to do what we choose to do.

We drowned out our voice with what the human world offers – cheap dopamine.

We know ourselves well enough to create the perfect trap.  One that lures us with possibilities, and promises paradise, but only if:

  • If we buy those new shoes,
  • If we make influential friends,
  • If we are rich, beautiful, and young,

and because of that, we are never happy now.

We are convinced that we can get what we want outside of us.

Because surely happiness comes from outside.  That’s how we know we want to go to Dubai, so we can post pictures of our trip on Instagram. We chase after the next trendy thing, deepening the hole we try to fill. As a result, we escape further into easy pleasures.  We lack happiness, and we find its substitute just around the corner.  Everywhere are sweets, processed and delicious food, alcohol, porn, and online shopping.

But in my life, all these come from one problem.

This one thing makes me vulnerable to everything else. Without it, the whole world of temptations has nothing to offer.  This one problem makes everything I do meaningless.

And that is the lack of direction in my actions.

How Do I Deal with It?

The most important thing is aiming for what is most important to me.

But aiming is not about forcing myself to do things in a specific way.  When you’re an apprentice, you have to do things like others, but that way, you’ll never become a master.  My ultimate goal is to realize my life vision–not yours.

The same goes for you.

You shouldn’t live my life. You can model it if our goals align. But only until you realize they start to differ.  In the long term, our actions should describe the boundaries of what we care about more closely. Step by step drawing the picture of what we want.

How do I know I’m doing what I’m supposed to?

I use my body, which gives me signals.

The most important one is the sense of purpose.  It shows up as a feeling of fulfillment while doing what I decided to do. I can’t predict with certainty what that will be in every moment.

But I have my candidates.

I do what I consciously recognize as important. I build my relationship with my partner. I create mobile apps.  And I write about what I experience working on all of the above.  These are my keys to the door of the sense of purpose.

An Environment That Supports Working on What’s Important 

Over time, I’ve also learned that I’m great at finding excuses.

Even though I love programming and writing, I regularly find many reasons not to do it. 

While writing, instead of enjoying the magic of creating, I immediately count views and see dollars in my account.  And then everything becomes stressful and hard. I escape to 9gag, porn, sweets, and all those things our world offers so we don’t have to deal with ourselves.

So I do my best to cut myself off from that.

The easiest was cutting off from the news. It’s much harder to hide sweets from myself. I’m pretty good at blocking porn sites, social media, and 9gag.  Because of this, I eventually just have nothing to do.

But even here, I found a solution and read tech news.

Still this is an important step. Even if I slip from time to time I lower the amount of dopamine I get from doing fillers. And all the rest, I get from doing what I love. 

In short, I make it harder to get dopamine from outside, so getting it through work is easier.

Being Myself 

In all of this, the key is to allow myself to be myself.

I don’t mean patting myself on the back when I do something wrong.  I mean accepting that I did it and learning a lesson for the future. Self-punishment doesn’t solve problems, but it prevents a clear assessment of the situation.

Moreover, my job is not to make everyone around me happy.

Most people have no idea what they want and don’t let themselves find out.  Making them happy traps me in a system that takes away our ability to live life our way.

My job is to live as I feel I should.

I want to hear my inner voice, my genius, Great Man or spirit, to align my actions with my mission.

What’s the Point?

There are more things to do to fill your time than you can do.

Your life will end before you can do them all.  That’s the big mystery of wanting for the sake of wanting.  An endless trap of chasing more.  A constant struggle to get something that doesn’t matter to you.

There are only a few things worth giving your life to in this jungle of choices.

Finding them isn’t about looking outside because that just leads to another car or phone, but not to inner happiness.  Finding them means listening to yourself: your ego, intuition, and subconscious (or whatever words make sense to you: self, soul, god).

My goal is to align what my ego wants with the whispers of my unconscious mind.  This way, my long-term goals will match what truly matters to me. Because of this, I avoid the trap of wanting more just to want more. I know there are only a few things I truly want with all my heart. 

This helps me ignore the rest. 

But the best part about doing what matters to me is the satisfaction and sense of purpose it brings. It gives me the peace I was looking for all my life, hidden under the thoughts about what I desire.

Try it.

Build your life, in a way that gives you a sense of purpose.  This is everything and more that was promised to us in Paradise.

How I Try to Control Desires and Find Peace

Peace is what I feel when I do what I know I should, not some outside desire. Photo by Oleksandr P

Why do I want what I desire?

I’ve been asking myself this for years, and always a story comes to mind.

I was at a party with my best friends. I had everything I wanted: beer, vodka, whiskey, and designer drugs.  The fun was in full swing.

I felt like I could do anything and conquer the world. 

But it was a feeling that was impossible to realize.  Empty.  Disgusting.  Like sex with a family member. Wrong.

As the night drew to a close, the feeling began to fade.  The scary reality of the next day was approaching.  I had to get up for work to afford food (and drugs).

Then I thought, screw it all, I want to conquer the world again, even just for a moment. So, I drew a line with drugs, rolled up a banknote, and snorted it all at once.

My stuffy and swollen nose lessened the effect, so I had only a few more minutes of wanting.

And then, just darkness, monotony, and self-pity for not doing anything with my life.

After years, I realized that what I felt back then was a drug-boosted version of wanting for the sake of wanting.  It wasn’t about having something, but about wanting it.

We like to browse eBay for hours and not buy anything because it feels good to think we might But doing it is different.

What Is Wanting for the Sake of Wanting?

It’s a cycle of pain we fall into when overwhelmed by the world’s possibilities.

A hedonistic treadmill, always wanting more and more.  More parties, more work, more outings, more books.  More, more, more.

And in all this, we mindlessly follow someone with a different mission than us. Then we get a lot of things, but none fill the void left by losing touch with our inner voice. No skill learned to please others gives us a sense of purpose.

Because ultimately, our problem isn’t the lack of things.

The problem is that we strive for things that don’t matter to us.  We believed we must dream of a Lamborghini and a villa with a pool.  And worse, if we don’t strive for this, we’re losers.

But it’s all just another face of wanting for the sake of wanting.

It’s all a mirage, hiding the painful truth.  We’re paralyzed by the thought of what’s next. What do we want in life? So we settle for solving other people’s problems instead of our own.

We buy the latest phones, computers, and cars, becoming slaves to our debts.

By doing so, we distance ourselves from our inner voice. Because somewhere, in the back of our minds or in our dreams, a voice might tell us that this isn’t it.  But how could we listen when everyone talks about the same thing?  “You must get more,” “Work more,” “More,” “More,” “More.” Otherwise, you’re nobody.

What Are the Consequences?

You ask, what’s the point of knowing this?

And here are two options. 

Either you’re lucky and have never experienced it. If so, don’t read on. There’s nothing for you here.  Only problems.

The second option is that every day you face yourself and a mountain of potential that always seems to slip away. Then understanding this issue will explain why and what you can do to cope.

A lack of understanding combined with the awareness of the problem threatens you with an eternal sense of not being fulfilled. You might forever be stuck in a cycle of wanting more for the sake of wanting more.  How can you be happy if your true needs are drowned in a sea of silly ideas of happiness that you copied from Instagram influencers?

I don’t need followers. I need friends. I need warmth, to be heard, and to be understood.  And then, some solitude to piece together the discoveries of my life. To then give back to the people who helped build me up.

So, the next time you find yourself wanting for the sake of wanting like I did that memorable night with a white nose and a drink in hand, remember that there’s more waiting for you than just a few more days.

Living them unfulfilled without energy and blaming others isn’t the best option.

Trust me, I speak from experience.  That’s how my life was. On the outside, I could have everything.  But what’s the point if I always wanted something else?

What Causes the Problem?

I want to start with the most important thing – it’s not your fault.

Our world works like this.  We made it this way.  Some time ago, we forgot the most important thing existence has to offer – the potential to do what we choose to do.

We drowned out our voice with what the human world offers – cheap dopamine.

We know ourselves well enough to create the perfect trap.  One that lures us with possibilities, and promises paradise, but only if:

  • If we buy those new shoes,
  • If we make influential friends,
  • If we are rich, beautiful, and young,

and because of that, we are never happy now.

We are convinced that we can get what we want outside of us.

Because surely happiness comes from outside.  That’s how we know we want to go to Dubai, so we can post pictures of our trip on Instagram. We chase after the next trendy thing, deepening the hole we try to fill. As a result, we escape further into easy pleasures.  We lack happiness, and we find its substitute just around the corner.  Everywhere are sweets, processed and delicious food, alcohol, porn, and online shopping.

But in my life, all these come from one problem.

This one thing makes me vulnerable to everything else. Without it, the whole world of temptations has nothing to offer.  This one problem makes everything I do meaningless.

And that is the lack of direction in my actions.

How Do I Deal with It?

The most important thing is aiming for what is most important to me.

But aiming is not about forcing myself to do things in a specific way.  When you’re an apprentice, you have to do things like others, but that way, you’ll never become a master.  My ultimate goal is to realize my life vision–not yours.

The same goes for you.

You shouldn’t live my life. You can model it if our goals align. But only until you realize they start to differ.  In the long term, our actions should describe the boundaries of what we care about more closely. Step by step drawing the picture of what we want.

How do I know I’m doing what I’m supposed to?

I use my body, which gives me signals.

The most important one is the sense of purpose.  It shows up as a feeling of fulfillment while doing what I decided to do. I can’t predict with certainty what that will be in every moment.

But I have my candidates.

I do what I consciously recognize as important. I build my relationship with my partner. I create mobile apps.  And I write about what I experience working on all of the above.  These are my keys to the door of the sense of purpose.

An Environment That Supports Working on What’s Important 

Over time, I’ve also learned that I’m great at finding excuses.

Even though I love programming and writing, I regularly find many reasons not to do it. 

While writing, instead of enjoying the magic of creating, I immediately count views and see dollars in my account.  And then everything becomes stressful and hard. I escape to 9gag, porn, sweets, and all those things our world offers so we don’t have to deal with ourselves.

So I do my best to cut myself off from that.

The easiest was cutting off from the news. It’s much harder to hide sweets from myself. I’m pretty good at blocking porn sites, social media, and 9gag.  Because of this, I eventually just have nothing to do.

But even here, I found a solution and read tech news.

Still this is an important step. Even if I slip from time to time I lower the amount of dopamine I get from doing fillers. And all the rest, I get from doing what I love. 

In short, I make it harder to get dopamine from outside, so getting it through work is easier.

Being Myself 

In all of this, the key is to allow myself to be myself.

I don’t mean patting myself on the back when I do something wrong.  I mean accepting that I did it and learning a lesson for the future. Self-punishment doesn’t solve problems, but it prevents a clear assessment of the situation.

Moreover, my job is not to make everyone around me happy.

Most people have no idea what they want and don’t let themselves find out.  Making them happy traps me in a system that takes away our ability to live life our way.

My job is to live as I feel I should.

I want to hear my inner voice, my genius, Great Man or spirit, to align my actions with my mission.

What’s the Point?

There are more things to do to fill your time than you can do.

Your life will end before you can do them all.  That’s the big mystery of wanting for the sake of wanting.  An endless trap of chasing more.  A constant struggle to get something that doesn’t matter to you.

There are only a few things worth giving your life to in this jungle of choices.

Finding them isn’t about looking outside because that just leads to another car or phone, but not to inner happiness.  Finding them means listening to yourself: your ego, intuition, and subconscious (or whatever words make sense to you: self, soul, god).

My goal is to align what my ego wants with the whispers of my unconscious mind.  This way, my long-term goals will match what truly matters to me. Because of this, I avoid the trap of wanting more just to want more. I know there are only a few things I truly want with all my heart. 

This helps me ignore the rest. 

But the best part about doing what matters to me is the satisfaction and sense of purpose it brings. It gives me the peace I was looking for all my life, hidden under the thoughts about what I desire.

Try it.

Build your life, in a way that gives you a sense of purpose.  This is everything and more that was promised to us in Paradise.

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