Catch Your Life

Killing Anxiety – Stop Avoiding Responsibility For What You Want

The only person who can give you what you want is you.

It’s in responsibility that most people find the meaning that sustains them through life. It’s not in happiness. It’s not in impulsive pleasure.

Jordan Peterson

Without responsibility, there’s no YOUR life.

There’s a life. Built on whatever is popular. Because you crave acceptance and respect. So, your life is made up of random pieces of what others want. You tell yourself: “Everyone does it,” assuming it’s not your fault you can’t reach your goals.

This calms you momentarily but also takes away the chance to build YOUR life.

Let me tell you a story about escaping responsibility for what you want.

You wake up in the morning with a cold sweat on your forehead. Again, you don’t know what to do. You have many dreams. So many things seem essential. Your to-do list looks endless. Others have homes, cars, and partners, but you sit alone feeling anxious.

You feel a pinch of jealousy scrolling through Instagram, because those people look happy. You want that too.

But just thinking about admitting what YOU want makes your heart racing.

You’re afraid. Afraid that if you admit what you want, everything will be lost. Once you do, your desires stop being a dream, and you can no longer avoid responsibility. Then it’d become obvious you have to do the work.

And while real work is tough, what you do now is easy but doesn’t fulfill you.

So everything you do seems meaningless. How you feel seems uncontrollable. Your life feels like a movie you’re watching, but never acting. It is as if you’ll always want something but never try to achieve it.

The feeling of wanting but not acting on it is the problem.

That’s what running away from responsibility for your life feels like. It ends with anxiety, becoming the backdrop of everything you do.

If you want to achieve your dreams, you need a different approach.

An approach that led me to my greatest success – taking control of the direction I’m heading. I managed to choose what I wanted and start going after it. The fear I felt, no matter what I did, disappeared.

And the fear of uncertainty, instead of paralyzing me, now helps me evaluate which things are worth the effort.

What We Fear Is What We Don’t Know

We fear the unknown, what we don’t understand, and what we aren’t prepared for.

The problem is, that by avoiding responsibility, we end up being afraid forever. There’s never a moment when we declare ourselves ready to face life. Anxiety grows because we remain stuck in the same place.

And although complete readiness or certainty of success is unattainable, we can still improve.

That’s thanks to the ability to adapt. The future is always uncertain. Whether my plans will give me what I want can only be tested by implementing them.

But that’s exactly what we fear most: choosing what we want to do and trying.

We fear making decisions. We fear losing opportunities, and making decisions inevitably leads to that. Because by choosing something, we give up something else.

However, this fear isn’t our enemy. It’s good to understand risks and to know what decisions mean.

Our enemy is the anxiety that comes from inaction.

The anxiety that comes from running away from responsibility for our dreams. The fear of admitting that your life is your responsibility and you are accountable for it.

Killing Anxiety

Anxiety kills.

And it kills slowly. The sense of meaninglessness reflected in late-night doom-scrolling is connected to the killing aspect of anxiety. It’s its mechanism that destroys life.

We replace living with games, social media, or even books.

We kill time. Think about that phrase for a moment. Where did the idea of killing time even come from? Instead, we could be doing what we love. But then a shiver comes, a signal that we don’t know what we would do. So we go back to our glowing rectangle.

At the basic level, it’s about anxiety. It’s that feeling after hours of playing Fortnite and then your insides twist up. It’s a sense of guilt. You feel guilty because you aren’t taking action towards your goals. This feeling is a sign to do something, not a tool of torture.

But if ignored, it’ll torture you.

By drowning it out with another game, you take away your chance to gain skills to handle problems. Each time you tried, you’d become prepared a bit more. When you deny yourself this, you end up unable to fight.

Unfortunately, the fight is coming.

Because you still want all those things, like an iPhone, car, or finishing at the top of the players’ ranking in Fortnite. You have all those wants and needs.

But, you’ll never get them.

Because, when it’s time to account for yourself, you have nothing to confess. You say that if you wanted it, you’d have it. But you don’t even try. You blame external conditions, people throwing obstacles, high taxes, or the weather. You lack faith that you can change anything.

Instead of looking for a way, you look for an excuse.

If you dared to admit that you’re behind your failure, you’d gain a chance for another attempt, in which you’d be a bit better.

The Benefits of Responsibility & Accountability

You know what you want, and you know it’s up to you to get it.

Then you have a chance to make a plan. And then execute it. Regardless of the outcome, you’re responsible, so you learn from it. If it goes the way you wanted, next time it will go faster. Otherwise, you’ve received a priceless lesson in what doesn’t work.

You’re creating a positive feedback loop.

If failures are lessons, fear doesn’t paralyze but guides. You can use it to find out what’s important to you.

I’m still afraid of writing on the internet.

I care about sharing my experience because I’ve benefited from the experience of others. Were it not for people pointing me in the right direction, anxiety would still be the backdrop of my life.

But to contribute by writing, I have to reach out to you. I know there’s no shortcut and I have to open up to show who and what I am. I’m afraid I won’t succeed.

But that fear is a signal of how much it means to me.

Responsibility allows me to work on myself. I understood that my task wasn’t to stop being afraid or anxious. I can discover what causes these feelings and fix them if necessary. By working this way, I gain tools to deal with problems.

Instead of drinking myself into oblivion, I write a journal and talk to loved ones. And I use my energy to solve the problem, not hide it.

Everything I do is still hard.

But I’ve become stronger. And you will too if you take responsibility for your life.

You’ll be better prepared because you’re constantly solving your problems. When the next one comes, you’ll be ready to act.

How to Take Responsibility

Jordan Peterson recommends cleaning your room.

Because that’s how you take responsibility for its state. It’s not mischievous elves making the mess, it’s you. Similarly, it’s not your parents who are the cause of your anxiety. Once, they might have treated you badly, and they’re responsible for that. But now, as you read these words, your reaction is up to you.

Understanding that your parents aren’t responsible for what you do now is a big step.

For many years, I blamed mine for my internal turmoil. I excused my lack of motivation with their caution. I assumed I wouldn’t achieve anything because they only taught me to fear risk and failure. It’s terrible how long I didn’t realize that I was losing the chance to build my own life. Additionally, I fueled negative feelings towards my parents.

But I was lucky because someone once encouraged me to keep a journal.

The journal gave me what I needed most – responsibility. It was much harder for me to run away from my dreams when I wrote them on the virtual pages of my journal. Seeing my goals every day reminded me that I hadn’t done anything yet. And it became clear that the life anxiety stems from a lack of action.

Take writing as an example.

I wanted to write since I was 18. For 10 years, I only thought about it. During that time, I repeatedly dismissed fears about my future. I wondered who I would become and how I would earn a living. These worries plagued me even when I started earning 10 times more than working as a waiter.

But 6 months after starting the journal, I wrote and published my first article. And I believed I could handle life, thanks to the sense of agency that comes from responsibility.

Once I admitted to myself what I wanted and then planned how to achieve it, it was only up to me to take action.

I realized that no one would live my life for me.

No one will fulfill my dreams. And nothing will happen until I do something myself.

Taking action that brings you closer to your goal is the antidote to anxiety and the guilt of not doing enough.

Conclusions

Taking responsibility for what I want changed my life.

I stopped being a passive participant in events and started shaping them to match my goals. I still fear failure, and sharing my thoughts online, but when I wake up in the morning, I’m calm (except when I have to make a dentist appointment).

I’m telling you this because fear and stress are still with me. Taking responsibility for them didn’t make them go away completely. But it gave me a chance to get to know them and start using them as signals. Fear shows me that I care about something, and anxiety reminds me to take action. And most importantly, I can now act despite these feelings.

By working on yourself, you can better adapt to the future.

I know, “Take as much responsibility as you can” doesn’t sound sexy. But it’s the most sexy thing for your life. Think about how many people you know live the way they want. How many of them are happy and confident about tomorrow? Do you want to feel like they do?

If you want more than waking up with sweat on your forehead, take responsibility for what you want.

Take responsibility for your life. Build it the way you want.

If I can do it, so can you.

Killing Anxiety – Stop Avoiding Responsibility For What You Want

The only person who can give you what you want is you.

It’s in responsibility that most people find the meaning that sustains them through life. It’s not in happiness. It’s not in impulsive pleasure.

Jordan Peterson

Without responsibility, there’s no YOUR life.

There’s a life. Built on whatever is popular. Because you crave acceptance and respect. So, your life is made up of random pieces of what others want. You tell yourself: “Everyone does it,” assuming it’s not your fault you can’t reach your goals.

This calms you momentarily but also takes away the chance to build YOUR life.

Let me tell you a story about escaping responsibility for what you want.

You wake up in the morning with a cold sweat on your forehead. Again, you don’t know what to do. You have many dreams. So many things seem essential. Your to-do list looks endless. Others have homes, cars, and partners, but you sit alone feeling anxious.

You feel a pinch of jealousy scrolling through Instagram, because those people look happy. You want that too.

But just thinking about admitting what YOU want makes your heart racing.

You’re afraid. Afraid that if you admit what you want, everything will be lost. Once you do, your desires stop being a dream, and you can no longer avoid responsibility. Then it’d become obvious you have to do the work.

And while real work is tough, what you do now is easy but doesn’t fulfill you.

So everything you do seems meaningless. How you feel seems uncontrollable. Your life feels like a movie you’re watching, but never acting. It is as if you’ll always want something but never try to achieve it.

The feeling of wanting but not acting on it is the problem.

That’s what running away from responsibility for your life feels like. It ends with anxiety, becoming the backdrop of everything you do.

If you want to achieve your dreams, you need a different approach.

An approach that led me to my greatest success – taking control of the direction I’m heading. I managed to choose what I wanted and start going after it. The fear I felt, no matter what I did, disappeared.

And the fear of uncertainty, instead of paralyzing me, now helps me evaluate which things are worth the effort.

What We Fear Is What We Don’t Know

We fear the unknown, what we don’t understand, and what we aren’t prepared for.

The problem is, that by avoiding responsibility, we end up being afraid forever. There’s never a moment when we declare ourselves ready to face life. Anxiety grows because we remain stuck in the same place.

And although complete readiness or certainty of success is unattainable, we can still improve.

That’s thanks to the ability to adapt. The future is always uncertain. Whether my plans will give me what I want can only be tested by implementing them.

But that’s exactly what we fear most: choosing what we want to do and trying.

We fear making decisions. We fear losing opportunities, and making decisions inevitably leads to that. Because by choosing something, we give up something else.

However, this fear isn’t our enemy. It’s good to understand risks and to know what decisions mean.

Our enemy is the anxiety that comes from inaction.

The anxiety that comes from running away from responsibility for our dreams. The fear of admitting that your life is your responsibility and you are accountable for it.

Killing Anxiety

Anxiety kills.

And it kills slowly. The sense of meaninglessness reflected in late-night doom-scrolling is connected to the killing aspect of anxiety. It’s its mechanism that destroys life.

We replace living with games, social media, or even books.

We kill time. Think about that phrase for a moment. Where did the idea of killing time even come from? Instead, we could be doing what we love. But then a shiver comes, a signal that we don’t know what we would do. So we go back to our glowing rectangle.

At the basic level, it’s about anxiety. It’s that feeling after hours of playing Fortnite and then your insides twist up. It’s a sense of guilt. You feel guilty because you aren’t taking action towards your goals. This feeling is a sign to do something, not a tool of torture.

But if ignored, it’ll torture you.

By drowning it out with another game, you take away your chance to gain skills to handle problems. Each time you tried, you’d become prepared a bit more. When you deny yourself this, you end up unable to fight.

Unfortunately, the fight is coming.

Because you still want all those things, like an iPhone, car, or finishing at the top of the players’ ranking in Fortnite. You have all those wants and needs.

But, you’ll never get them.

Because, when it’s time to account for yourself, you have nothing to confess. You say that if you wanted it, you’d have it. But you don’t even try. You blame external conditions, people throwing obstacles, high taxes, or the weather. You lack faith that you can change anything.

Instead of looking for a way, you look for an excuse.

If you dared to admit that you’re behind your failure, you’d gain a chance for another attempt, in which you’d be a bit better.

The Benefits of Responsibility & Accountability

You know what you want, and you know it’s up to you to get it.

Then you have a chance to make a plan. And then execute it. Regardless of the outcome, you’re responsible, so you learn from it. If it goes the way you wanted, next time it will go faster. Otherwise, you’ve received a priceless lesson in what doesn’t work.

You’re creating a positive feedback loop.

If failures are lessons, fear doesn’t paralyze but guides. You can use it to find out what’s important to you.

I’m still afraid of writing on the internet.

I care about sharing my experience because I’ve benefited from the experience of others. Were it not for people pointing me in the right direction, anxiety would still be the backdrop of my life.

But to contribute by writing, I have to reach out to you. I know there’s no shortcut and I have to open up to show who and what I am. I’m afraid I won’t succeed.

But that fear is a signal of how much it means to me.

Responsibility allows me to work on myself. I understood that my task wasn’t to stop being afraid or anxious. I can discover what causes these feelings and fix them if necessary. By working this way, I gain tools to deal with problems.

Instead of drinking myself into oblivion, I write a journal and talk to loved ones. And I use my energy to solve the problem, not hide it.

Everything I do is still hard.

But I’ve become stronger. And you will too if you take responsibility for your life.

You’ll be better prepared because you’re constantly solving your problems. When the next one comes, you’ll be ready to act.

How to Take Responsibility

Jordan Peterson recommends cleaning your room.

Because that’s how you take responsibility for its state. It’s not mischievous elves making the mess, it’s you. Similarly, it’s not your parents who are the cause of your anxiety. Once, they might have treated you badly, and they’re responsible for that. But now, as you read these words, your reaction is up to you.

Understanding that your parents aren’t responsible for what you do now is a big step.

For many years, I blamed mine for my internal turmoil. I excused my lack of motivation with their caution. I assumed I wouldn’t achieve anything because they only taught me to fear risk and failure. It’s terrible how long I didn’t realize that I was losing the chance to build my own life. Additionally, I fueled negative feelings towards my parents.

But I was lucky because someone once encouraged me to keep a journal.

The journal gave me what I needed most – responsibility. It was much harder for me to run away from my dreams when I wrote them on the virtual pages of my journal. Seeing my goals every day reminded me that I hadn’t done anything yet. And it became clear that the life anxiety stems from a lack of action.

Take writing as an example.

I wanted to write since I was 18. For 10 years, I only thought about it. During that time, I repeatedly dismissed fears about my future. I wondered who I would become and how I would earn a living. These worries plagued me even when I started earning 10 times more than working as a waiter.

But 6 months after starting the journal, I wrote and published my first article. And I believed I could handle life, thanks to the sense of agency that comes from responsibility.

Once I admitted to myself what I wanted and then planned how to achieve it, it was only up to me to take action.

I realized that no one would live my life for me.

No one will fulfill my dreams. And nothing will happen until I do something myself.

Taking action that brings you closer to your goal is the antidote to anxiety and the guilt of not doing enough.

Conclusions

Taking responsibility for what I want changed my life.

I stopped being a passive participant in events and started shaping them to match my goals. I still fear failure, and sharing my thoughts online, but when I wake up in the morning, I’m calm (except when I have to make a dentist appointment).

I’m telling you this because fear and stress are still with me. Taking responsibility for them didn’t make them go away completely. But it gave me a chance to get to know them and start using them as signals. Fear shows me that I care about something, and anxiety reminds me to take action. And most importantly, I can now act despite these feelings.

By working on yourself, you can better adapt to the future.

I know, “Take as much responsibility as you can” doesn’t sound sexy. But it’s the most sexy thing for your life. Think about how many people you know live the way they want. How many of them are happy and confident about tomorrow? Do you want to feel like they do?

If you want more than waking up with sweat on your forehead, take responsibility for what you want.

Take responsibility for your life. Build it the way you want.

If I can do it, so can you.

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