Decide if you want to be right, or achieve your goals.

This article is explains how perspective influences building a good life.

My claim is that perspective matters more than your life situation. I will share the thoughts that helped me understand this, and how I use to build a good life.

So, bad things will happen in your life.

Some will surprise you. Some will hurt. You cannot stop them.

• The weahter will get bad on you wedding
• Your dog will throw up on the bed
• Your son will sucker punch your face

The thing is, if you try to stop them, you will only feel sad twice. Once because the bad thing happen, and the second one, because you won’t accept that.

So, it’s better to learn how to use what you have to influence what you can, instead of resisting reality. And for that you need a useful perspective. A one that can let you build the life you want.

The goal of this piece is not to give you the one, true perspective, but to show you why and how you should create your own.

As this is personal business I’ll help you understand your current perspective, so you know how it influences your life. Later we’ll work through changing it, so it help you build the good life I promised.

Let’s start with defining a good life.

What Is a Good Life?

The are many definitions, most of them useless.

For example:

• having a luxury home
• being rich
• having many friends

In essence, they’re all about “having more”. And that has nothing to do with a good life. Because life is not things, it’s experiences.

Things can give you experiences, but most of times they’re not essential.

So, for me:

• A good life is a life full of valuable experiences.
• A good life is made of good days.
• Good days are made of good actions.

Which actions are good?

Easy, first I consider if I moved toward my goals.

Second, if my actions helped someone beside me.

That’s it.

The key point is about goals. It’s there where I decide what matters to me, so also which actions are good.

As I have a goal of becoming a good father and partner I care about spending time with my family. I want to help my fiance in house chores, whenever I can. I take care for junior, so she can rest or focus on her goals.

I also have a goal of staying healthy, so I can play sports with my son, when we grow up. I’m 34, and I want to be in form when I’m 50. It’s increasingly harder task, every year I tell you.

Another goal of mine is helping devs build good lives, and writing this article is what I consider good action, because it’s how I give you what I know.

As you can see, my good day does not depend on my mood.

I can feel sad and have a good day.

Why?

Because I did the things I wanted to do. I followed my goals. I did what I considered important.

Think about what your good day looks like.

This will help you understand what a good life means to you.

So, set your goals, so you know how to build a good day. Repeat taking action to fulfill your goals every day, and bum, you build a good life.

What Is Perspective, and Why Does It Matter More Than Outside Things?

Perspective is your point of view.

It is a filter. It is the way you see and feel things. Think about a glass of water. An optimist says it is half full. A pessimist says it is half empty.

But even half a glass of water can help you not feel thirsty for many hours.

Now imagine you walked for 10 hours in the hot desert sun. That same half glass of water would feel like a miracle. But if you are sitting at home right now, it just meets a basic need.

That is the power of perspective.

It includes outside things. Where you are. The weather. Whether your team won.

But it also includes your beliefs.

• Can I say no to going to a wedding if I do not feel like it?
• Is it okay to…
• and so on?

Perspective vs. Outside Conditions

Whether your team wins is not up to you.

But whether you get very drunk is. I want to show you the big gift of working on your perspective.

You can control it.

And you cannot control outside events in the same way.

One of my favorite sayings is:

You can’t change a woman, you can change a woman, but that won’t change anything.

This line shows the point very well. Maybe by accident.

The problem is not the woman.

The problem is you. We carry our problems with us. Working on your perspective means working on your real problems.

Instead of blaming women, the government, or your parents for your failures.

Now you know what I mean by perspective.

Why Is It Worth Working on Your Perspective?

Because you can make your life better.

You can change your point of view, so it helps you build the life you want. Not fight against it.

You see, you might be right when you find reasons why you cannot reach your goals.

But what does that give you? Think about this.

What do you want more?

• To get what you want
• To be right when you say, “I can’t because…”

These are two ways to look at the same thing.

Imagine you want to lose 10 kilos before summer, so you can have a beach body for once.

• You make a plan.
• You find the perfect workout plan.
• You buy supplements.
• You start a diet.

But after one week, doubts show up. You think:

• “This is not for me.”
• “I can’t lose weight.”
• “I want pizza.”

If you look at this through the “I can’t because…” lens, you will be right.

But if you think, “I can do it, even though…” you will also be right.

You are the one stopping yourself from reaching your goals.

And this happens because of the wrong perspective. Wrong means a one that doesn’t help you get what you want.

Excuses come from looking at the hard work in front of you.
The energy to keep going comes from seeing the goal in your mind.

It helps to think about what you will gain by suffering a little now.

How Do You Work on Your Perspective?

Goals

My favorite way to change perspective is to set goals.

A goal is like a sign. It is also like a filter. When you keep it in front of your eyes, it gets easier to ignore distractions. In the best case, you only think about the problems that matter for your goal.

It’s exactly how you modify your perspective → you shift focus.

And now you are focused on what will move you forward.

If you want to lose 10 kilos, you do not need to think about a donut festival in two days. But you should learn more about food and exercise.

And you should start doing the work.

So when you find a book that shows how to get in shape step by step, it may be worth reading.

Its ideas might help you reach your goal.

Remember about what’s important to you when you set goals. Don’t forget about family time, if family matters to you. Include staying fit, if you goals include a lot of thinking.

Take it holistically.

A Good Day aka Define the Conditions for Success

How will you know that you are moving forward?

You need to define success. For goals, this means defining a good life and a good day. Your perspective should help you build both. And that can only happen if you know what they are.

When you set goals, think about your good day.

Will these goals help you create it?

Focus on What You Can Change

Understand what you can control, and what you can’t.

You need to split things into two groups.

• What you control
• What you do not control

Then focus only on what you can control.

It is strange, but we waste most of our energy fighting things we cannot control.

What is outside our control?

• The weather
• Whether our actions bring the result we hoped for
• The situation we are already in

In short, you control the INPUT.

You do not control the OUTPUT.

Your INPUT affects the OUTPUT. But outside conditions affect it too.

So you cannot be sure that your joke, said with good intent, will be heard the way you wanted.

It took me years to understand this. And even now, I still question it sometimes. It is hard for me to accept that so much is outside my control. It is also hard for me to admit that I waste energy fighting what already is, or what I cannot change.

Not long ago, I planned a trip to Seville for my fiancée’s birthday.

I bought tickets. I paid for the hotel. I made a sightseeing plan. The day before we were meant to leave, our son was diagnosed with pneumonia.

We thought he only had a cold.

We thought he was getting better. We canceled the trip. We did not want to risk complications. We also did not want things to get worse in another country.

I had the right INPUT.

But the OUTPUT was very different from what I wanted.

In that moment, I could have focused on the lost money. Or on my fiancée’s sadness.

Instead, we focused on our son’s health.

Together, my fiancée and I made a choice about what mattered most.

Again, I focused on the INPUT. We will see the OUTPUT later.

Summary

Perspective, or the way you see things, matters more than outside conditions when you want to build a good life.

This does not mean outside conditions do not matter.

They do.

But you do not control them.

You can only affect them through your INPUT.

And a right perspective helps with that. Perspective decides whether the glass feels half full or half empty. Even when the amount of water stays the same.

Do you want to be right?

Or do you want to reach your goal?

Use these tools to build a good life, your way.

• Set goals that act like a sign and a filter, so you can ignore distractions.
• Define a good day, which is your condition for success, instead of chasing perfection.
• Focus on INPUT, because that is the only way you can affect OUTPUT. The rest is not up to you.

Perspective is not fixed. You can change it on purpose. A good life comes from action. It comes from working on your INPUT.

Not from waiting for better conditions.